Chronic Pain

Chronic pain is depressing.  There is no other way to put it.  I managed to stay pretty up beat all through my active treatment, but the chronic pain associated with Arimidex has me depressed and angry.

I am scheduled to see a pain management specialist next Tuesday, June 17th.  My family doctor referred me to the office and after looking over my records the pain management doctor feels that I am a suitable candidate for injections to help give me some relief. 

I see my oncologist tomorrow at Brown Cancer Center for my 4 month check-up.  Nick has some questions for her.  She had suggested in the past that I could take a break from the medication for a week or so to give my body a rest.  I have been too scared to try this until recently.  I stopped taking the Arimidex last Monday and did not take it for an entire week in hopes of being more mobile and pain free for our daughter’s high school graduation and her party.  After a few days of being off of the medication I started to feel better and I was able to enjoy Beckie’s graduation ceremony and party.  I started taking my medication again last night.  Nick wants to ask Dr. R how often I can safely take breaks, and for how long.  I am interested in hearing her reply.

Chronic pain is seriously depressing.  It affects your everyday mood and makes you snap at your loved ones and makes you sometimes say things that you shouldn’t without thinking.  I guess I shouldn’t blame the pain for my mistakes lately, but I do feel that the mood that I have been in because of the pain has contributed to me being mean.  Have you ever heard that saying about how a person takes out their anger on the ones closest to them?  That is what I have been doing and I am ashamed about it.  I have been dealing with anger over the whole cancer thing.  The anger is over how cancer has affected my whole life.  The pain.  The loss of movement in my shoulders.  The financial stress that has been over our heads from my treatments.  The emotional stress of the diagnosis, not only on me but on my husband as well.  The fear of a recurrence.  The scars that cover my chest.  The list goes on.  I am angry.  I am having difficulties dealing with all of the anger inside of me right now.  I am at a loss…how do I get past the anger and depression? 



2 thoughts on “Chronic Pain

  1. This isn’t a suggestion to you, but, after trying Tamoxifen and then Arimidex (or vise versa) I told my Oncologist that I would rather live with use of my mind than not know what I’m doing – the drugs were stealing my memory and the part of my brain where words are stored. I told her that quality of life was more important to me than quantity. Of course, that scares the he** out of me because every weird pain, strange moles, eyesight changes… I am sure that cancer is back.

    Don’t beat yourself up for your crabbiness, it’s not “you” that’s doing it. Maybe your doctor can give you yet another drug to help with all of that… I dunno, None of this is easy. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

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