I am both anxious and dreading tomorrow. I go back and forth from one feeling to the next…sometimes within the same minute. I am anxious to get started because that means that I am one step closer to the end of this journey. I am, at the same time, dreading it because I have no idea for sure what I will be facing tomorrow. I mean, I have heard other people’s stories about what chemotherapy was like for them. But everyone is different.
I am trying to prepare for tomorrow. I don’t know what to do in order to prepare. What do I do? What do I take with me? I feel similar to how I felt in the days leading up to my mastectomy. Scared. And then I feel silly for being scared because countless men and women have traveled this path before me and have come out on the other end just fine. I guess it is a fear of the unknown.
I was scared of the mastectomy. I will not lie…as of yet, it was the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life so far. But I did it. I am better each and every day. I could not have done it without my family, but I did it. And now as I enter this next phase, even though I am scared, I know that I still have my family beside me and I know that I will come out on the other side stronger than ever.
It is just the getting to the other side that scares me.