October 3, 2012

CHEMO

I am both anxious and dreading tomorrow.  I go back and forth from one feeling to the next…sometimes within the same minute. I am anxious to get started because that means that I am one step closer to the end of this journey.  I am, at the same time, dreading it because  I have no idea for sure what I will be facing tomorrow.  I mean, I have heard other people’s stories about what chemotherapy was like for them.  But everyone is different.

I am trying to prepare for tomorrow.  I don’t know what to do in order to prepare.  What do I do?  What do I take with me?  I feel similar to how I felt in the days leading up to my mastectomy.  Scared.  And then I feel silly for being scared because countless men and women have traveled this path before me and have come out on the other end just fine.  I guess it is a fear of the unknown.

I was scared of the mastectomy.  I will not lie…as of yet, it was the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life so far.  But I did it.  I am better each and every day.  I could not have done it without my family, but I did it.  And now as I enter this next phase, even though I am scared, I know that I still have my family beside me and I know that I will come out on the other side stronger than ever.

It is just the getting to the other side that scares me.

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