October 14, 2012

NO GOOD ROTTEN DAY

Today has not been a day that I am proud of.  Maybe some of you who have been following my blog remember that at one point I felt that there was something wrong with me because I felt numb to the whole thing?  Well, the emotions have hit me full force.  I don’t know if it is just the emotions of dealing with the fact that I have breast cancer, or the fact that my chemo has shut down my ovaries and made me into a raging post-menopausal lunatic.

I have yelled at Nick.  I have yelled at Domenic until we were both crying.  I have yelled at Miss Ladybug.  She won’t even sit with me tonight.  I went off like a lunatic in front of my mom this afternoon.  Crying one minute and screaming the next.

I just want my life to be normal again.  I want to go in and hug my son right now and tell him how sorry I am.  But right now the best thing is to probably give him his space and stay away.

I don’t know how my family has put up with me today.  I should be thankful that they haven’t made me go sleep in the garage tonight.

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