November 26, 2012

YOU POOR LITTLE THING

Today is a good day and I have bounced back from my chemo last Monday.  Actually, I bounced back a few days quicker on this fourth round of AC!  Normally I am down and out for a solid week (7-8 days), but by Saturday (day 5) I was already feeling good.  Good enough to go over to my Uncle Bobby and Aunt Rosemary’s house Saturday evening to visit with family!

On to the meaning of my blog title today….  I go around the house without my cap/hat unless my head is cold.  I don’t mind posting a picture of me minus the hat on Facebook because only my closest friends and family see it.  But when I go out in public I wear my hat.  Today I went to Kohl’s and Wal-Mart and was wearing one of my chemo caps.  It is a thin purple cap that is cool on my head for those days when I am having hot flashes.  You can tell that I am covering up a bald head.

I have noticed that people either stare (which makes me want to stick my tongue out at them) or they give me this sad smile that makes me feel like they are saying “You poor little thing…”  It has made me stop and think because now I wonder if I have ever given that same exact look at someone else before this happened to me and didn’t even realize it.  First off..it is rude to stare.  And I know I haven’t done that.  But now I know how it makes a person feel to get the “sad smile look” and I hope I have never made someone else feel like I did today.  Today wasn’t the first day that it has happened…but it just seemed to me that everyone was giving me this look today.  Maybe it is because more people are out, or because of the Holidays they feel more pity for someone who is obviously sick. I don’t know. I am trying to remind myself that they are giving the “look/smile” out of kindness and that helps.

I guess the point of all of this is to not treat someone different because they have a “look” that says they have a serious illness.  Not just cancer..this can be anything.  Believe me…we all KNOW that we have cancer.   I can’t hide out in the house until I have my hair back.  I guess this is more my problem than anything else.  I need to try and get over being self conscious about how I look.

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